The Squirrel and the Girl
by Zettai hijoshiki
Summary: For sarcastic, intelligent, mildy-hyper, overly-strange pre-teen Rini, life is like a jar of jalapenos: What you do today will burn your ass tomorrow. Rated T for mild language. Cover is Rini.
1. Chapter 1

"Next cell..." Umino Iruka said, "Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura—"

"Woo-hoo!"

"Rats..."

"—and Uchiha Sasuke."

"Oh yeah!"

"Darn it..."

Just then, a twelve-year-old girl walked in, rather late and oblivious to the event going on.

"... What's goin' on?"

"Tanbo Rini, you are beyond late! We've already assigned three-man cells!"

This girl was Tanbo Rini, the most sarcastic and surprising twelve-year-old girl you will ever meet.

Tanbo, her last name, means "rice field." Her first name, Rini, means "small or little bunny." Rini's first reaction when she heard the meaning of her first and last name: _"Awesome. I'm a small bunny in a rice field. My enemies will scream and run in terror. How absolutely fear-striking. I shiver."_

"Three... man cells?"

Iruka sighed as he explained three-man cells and their purpose.

"So I would make said cell uneven in comparison to the rest of the cells if I were to join one, correct?"

"That's right."

"I can see the problem here. Let me join the team who's teacher is the latest to arrive."

"Why would I do that? That was such an impulsive decision, it's not even funny."

"You said it yourself: Each team is assigned three people. Two of these people are either high or low in their grade average, while the other is the opposite of the other two. If there are two very smart people on a team, don't you think one idiot on the team would just make their missions harder? Either that, or he would learn absolutely nothing. If their patience is low enough, they might end up killing said idiot just to save time."

Naruto gulped.

"On the other hand, we have two rocks and a genius. The genius doesn't want to waste their time with _two_ morons. The smart one might just not even try, because they believe it would be a waste of energy. They won't let themselves be dragged down, so they just won't do a thing."

Shikamaru's attention was drawn by this statement.

"Now, if you put someone of _average _intelligence-such as myself-on any of these teams, it will help balance the cell out even further. The two smart ones won't be dragged down as much, _or_ the two dumb ones will have another person to teach them and lead them, and the genius will be wasting less energy."

"... As convincing as that was, Rini, I still need another legit reason to screw up the _three-_mancell rule _and_ the Hokage's plans _and _the village's tradition."

"You really don't want to deal with this right now, do you?"

Her scrutinizing eyes read him like an open book. "... No."

"Reason number three."

"... Fine. Whatever. Sit down, you're distracting the class."

"As you wish, Your Majesty."

"You're not funny, not one bit."

—

_Great, now I'm stuck with two clowns and a brick wall_, Rini thought disdainfully as she stared glumly at her three teammates.

Uzumaki Naruto, smarter than the average rock. His spiky blonde hair was so bright it made the sun jealous, and his horrid jumpsuit—a startling combination of neon orange and a shade of blue just bright enough to make Rini blink when she looked at it—was nearly blinding.

Haruno Sakura, the head cheerleader at Stalk Sasuke Academy. A shock of pink hair—natural, or not?—donned her head, and a forehead that could easily be mistaken for a billboard covered half of her face. She wore a half-arsed dress with the Haruno sign on the back, and shorts so tight they made Rini's legs hurt just looking at them.

Uchiha Sasuke, the object of nearly every girl's affections in the entire Fire Country. Jet black hair and obsidian eyes were his most prominent features, as well as superly-duperly pale white skin—which, in Rini's opinion, seemed a bit feminine. Because of this, he was considered attractive by the majority of the female population. Oh, and his whole family was murdered by some crazy psychopath, so he's one angry little son of a dead woman.

Nothing too important there.

Quite a mysterious one, he is, and rather difficult to read. But by the looks of him, Rini would guess, if Sakura said his name one more time, he might just throw his entire shuriken pouch at her.

_A bunch of fools. They'd be perfect for the nearest moving carnival. Our latest freakshow, ladies and gentlemen, is the Emotional Baggage Group._

"Why's our teacher so late? Feh, I'm gonna get him good when he gets here!" Naruto stated, frustrated at their teacher's tardiness.

"So... you're going to drop a chalk board eraser on his head?" Rini drawled in curiosity.

"Not _me,_ dummy! The door will!"

_You're kidding_, she stated sarcastically in her head.

"Only a novice ninja such as yourself would fall for such an elementary trick, Naruto. We're talking about an _high-level jounin_ whose had years of experience. On and off the battlefield. He has more than a decade on us," Rini stated irritably as she walked up to Naruto, who was standing on a stool, putting his "masterpiece" into place.

Sasuke silently nodded in agreement at her short speech.

Sakura had only one thing going through her mind at the moment: Jealousy.

She stared enviously at Rini's butt.

_So round and voluptuous... Why? God, why me?_

Sakura quickly shook her head, ridding herself of her green thoughts. Her eyes turned to fire.

_No! It's lumpy and odd-looking! She has thunder thighs! It makes her legs fat!_

Besides, Sasuke likes his girls _thin._ Thin and dainty, like _Sakura._ Sasuke wouldn't like a lumpy-arsed, thunder-thighed, fat-legged girl like Tanbo Rini.

... Would he?

Sakura's newest thoughts remained unsure.

"Whatever, Naruto. It's your funeral."

"F-funeral?"

Naruto was suddenly regretting his decision to prank their teacher.

"I'll dress in orange, just for you."

Naruto was still confused when their apparent teacher walked in.

_Clunk._

_My life..._ Rini thought in despair. _What do I do with my _life?!

_He fell for it, _were Sasuke's shocked thoughts.

_Hahaha! What a loser!_ Naruto pointed, laughed, and voiced his thoughts out loud.

Sakura's thoughts were practically written across the broad expanse of her forehead: _Oh, yeah! Nice shot!_

"I'm sorry, Sensei! I tried to stop Naruto but he wouldn't listen!" Sakura said, trying to look embarassed for Naruto.

Rini snorted.

"My first impression of my new students is..." Their gray-haired teacher picked up the chalkboard eraser and rubbed his masked chin. "... I hate you all."

— — —

"So tell me about yourselves. What do you like and dislike? What are your hobbies, goals, et cetera?"

"You go first!" Naruto said. Well, more like demanded.

"Yeah, we don't know anything about you," Sakura agreed.

_Sakura? Agree? With Naruto? No way._ Nevertheless, Rini stared in anticipation at Kakashi.

"Me? My name is Hatake Kakashi. I like a lot of things. On the same hand, I dislike many things. My dreams are none of your business. I have many hobbies."

_He managed to avoid telling us anything other than his name... Clever, _Rini thought, the gears in her head turning.

"You. You're next." Kakashi nodded at Naruto.

"My name is Uzumaki Naruto! I like ramen! I don't like waiting for the ramen to cook! My hobbies are eating different kinds of ramen! My dream is to one day become Hokage! Believe it!"

_As if the yelling wasn't enough, he had to add a tagline_, Rini thought as she rubbed her throbbing ears. _I just had to sit next to him._

_Wait a minute..._ Rini suddenly thought. _That gray-haired bat rastard skipped me!_

"Next."

Kakashi intended for Sakura to go, but Rini interrupted her before she could get a word out.

_Just who does she think she is?!_ Sakura thought in anger as Rini began to speak.

"I am Tanbo Rini, of the Tanbo clan. We are most known for our agility-although that rarely shows up in us anymore-and our exceptional ability in the field of working with animals. I like sleeping high in trees, playing with my mom's pet rabbits, and spicy food. I dislike bitter foods, people who talk as though if their voices aren't heard then the whole village will die, and people who dawdle around subjects instead of being blunt and getting to the point. I _really_ hate people whose stubbornness and other personal problems jeopardize the mission. My hobby is to read people by subtle signs that they don't even realize they give. My goal is to introduce jutsus into my clan, as we are supernaturally ignorant in that area, and have very few that are shared within our clan."

"Reading people?" Kakashi asked.

"Yep-ah-rooney."

_I'll play along_, Kakashi thought. "How so?"

"Well, for instance, you have a very calm and collected disposition. You also sneaked out of telling us anything other than your name. This tells me that you've been in your fair share of compromising situations, but you were able to worm your way out of most of them. Your carefree personality fools some into thinking you're daft, so those who don't really know you easily underestimate you. You skipped me, even though you were going from right to left, which tells me that you think I am nothing more than an extra addition to the team. You believed that I would quickly be removed from the cell, and therefore needed not be known."

Rini crossed her arms. "I can tell you firsthand: I won't be leaving this team anytime soon. Not now, or in the future."

Kakashi was surprised, but only for a moment. _She read me like an open book_.

"One more thing: That flash of a surprised look on your face tells me you didn't see all that information coming, especially not from me. My mother was a excellent kunoichi, and she still is. She was the brains of nearly all her teams. She taught me how to tell what people were thinking, with not a jutsu, or even looking in their eyes, but with body language or a simple short conversation. With her and I, any of that can give away your life story.

"Now can we get moving? I'm ranting, and with me, that never goes well."

After Sasuke and Sakura finished their introductions, Rini's impressions of the other three genin were permanently imprinted into her mind.

_Sakura: Guy-obsessed, girly-girl temperamental brat. Naruto: Ramen-obsessed moron with big dreams and a tiny brain. Sasuke: A total as_—

"Survival exercises?"

Rini zoned out for the rest of Team Seven's meeting, suddenly becoming very interested in her toes.

_Maybe I could paint them pale green... Think Mom'll let me have nail polish? Moh, she says nails look cleaner when they're natural. But I don't think nails being clean really matters when you're a kunoichi. I just wanna do something with 'em. I mean... look at 'em. Those are the ten most boring toes I have ever seen in all of my twelve years. They're probably all like, _"Dude, kill me now, I'm such a boring toe. Those stupid fingers up north have all the fun. Darn Yankees."

Rini faded back into the conversation just long enough to hear Kakashi mumble something—well, it sounded like mumbling to _her—_and chuckle, then ask her, "Rini, are you even listening? This is pretty important."

She racked her brain viciously for a couple of seconds before answering evenly, "You said that the survival test has a 66% failure rate."

Kakashi blinked. "That's correct. Bring all your ninja tools and weapons. We'll meet tomorrow morning."

Kakashi handed them all a paper.

"This handout contains all the information you'll need to know. Memorize it."

Rini accepted the paper and scrutinized it with furrowed brows and orange eyes alight with determination. _This won't bring me down. Nothing can. I will reach my goal. I _will._ If you present a challenge to a Tanbo, don't expect them to take it lightly. Now, I'll need Mom's sword, a few sets of Bro's kunai, Dad's tanto, Sis's special shuriken and wrappings..._

— — —

"Mom, I need your sword," Rini demanded bluntly as she finished her second dinner plate.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I said no, and my word is the last word."

"You aren't supposed to start sentences with "because," Mom."

"I really don't care."

"I'll be taking your sword in the morning."

"You're very funny. That's the best joke I've heard all day."

"What's going on in here?" Rini's dad asked as he entered their house door.

"Hey, Dad! How was work?"

"You know, same old, same old. Mmm, teriyaki and grilled onions for dinner? Must be my lucky day!"

"Have to rough up anybody?" Rini asked, rolling up imaginary sleeves and cracking her knuckles.

"Oh yes. Some creep thought he could steal from the Fantasy Section, but _oh no_, I set 'im straight. Working in the library is a dangerous business, so you be careful around Konoha Bookshelves, young lady."

"Be sure of it, Dad. Anyways, I want—no, I _need_—Mom's sword, but she won't let me borrow it."

"What do you need it for, Hon?"

"You know, just grueling survival training that will determine my pride, self-esteem, ninja career, and could quite possibly hold the key that will decide whether I continue through the door of my life or yank open the one leading to my untimely, blood-curdling death. Nothing too serious."

"You are _such_ an exaggerator," Rini's mom said as she rolled her amber eyes.

"Yeah, well, you're a big meanie, so there."

"Why can't she borrow the sword, dear?" her father asked her mom.

"She's not old enough for it."

"Uh, I'm sorry?" Rini butted in, "You let me hold a tanto when I was _two_ but not a slightly longer sword when I'm _twelve?_ Mother, I am the crisp year of _twelve_, an age just before my adolescent, greasy-haired, pimple-faced, awkward hormonal teenaged years, and you still consider me _too young_ for something? Why, this is blasphemous! Mutiny! A total outrage!"

"In any case, that sword is for _emergencies_."

"Changing the subject, are we, Mother? I see what you did there. I see how it is. Anyways, this _is _an emergency. Did you not hear the part about the grueling survival training that will determine my pride, self-estee—"

"Yes, I heard all that crap. You don't need it."

_Okay, now I'm serious. If I must resort to below-the-belt tactics, then I must, but one way or another, I am going to get that woman's sword._

"B-but... Mommy..." Rini made her voice tremble.

Her dad rolled his eyes and placed his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing.

Rini got on her knees and knee-shuffled over to where her mom was cooking. She tugged on her mother's apron.

"I thought you loved me, Mommy..." She widened her eyes to the absolute fullest and poked out her bottom lip.

"You know that doesn't work anymore, Tanbo Rini, so don't even try it."

"But Mommy, look at me... Why are you so mean to me...?"

Rini's mom quickly glanced down at Rini, and did a double-take.

"Don't look at me like that, Rini."

Rini's eyes glossed over with held back laughter-induced tears.

"Do you love me, Mommy? Does Mommy really love Rini?"

Rini's mother sighed.

"Take the freakin' sword, just—just stop _staring at me like that_!"

"Thanks, Mom!"

Rini's dad finally let his laughter ring throughout the house, followed by her mother yelling at him that it wasn't funny, and then the sound of a chair falling to the floor with something rather heavy in it.

Her dad fell over in his chair, laughing.

"Dad... it's not _that_ funny..."


	2. Chapter 2

_I've much more to do before I can rest_, Rini thought with determination.

"Dad, I'll need your tanto as well!"

In between laughs, her dad managed a shaky 'okay' before he began laughing all over again.

She grabbed her mother's three-and-a-half foot sword that was always against the wall near the door.

Her father's tanto would no doubt be in the hall closet, and she'd have to get her brother's kunai from her brother himself.

Her brother had the sharpest kunai in all of Konoha. He sharpened them every day on a smooth river rock. He says, quote unquote, _"Doing it manually makes them much sharper than they would be if you used that funny sharpening wheel."_

_Whatever rows your boat, my friend, _Rini thought.

Rini tugged open the door to the hall closet and grabbed a small bag with several tanto sticking out of the top.

Zipping the small bag closed and nodding in satisfaction, Rini shut the door and head down the hall towards her brother's room.

When she finally stood face-to-face—face-to-wood? No, that sounds perverted. Maybe... face-to... doorknob?**—**with her brother's door, Rini grinned. She lifted her foot and kicked open the door—for the third time that week**—**saying, "Hey, Bro-ski."

"Good evening, Brat." Not turning to look at her, as he was working at his desk, which faced the wall, he gestured at the door. "You're fixing it this time. I'm busy with ANBU business. It's top secret stuff, so bother me with your shenanigans later, hm?"

"Get your pantyhose out of a knot, dude. You're starting to sound like the Ancient One."

The "Ancient One" that Rini was referring to was their grandfather, Tanbo Yasuharu. He was eighty-three years old. Rini liked to refer to his age as _"Old as dirt"_ instead of using the actual number.

"Like I said, this is all top secret stuff."

"They wouldn't give you top secret stuff."

"Why not?"

"You're a _low-level_ ANBU, so just _relax._"

"There _are_ no low-level ANBU. That's like... a high-level genin, or... an unimportant Hokage."

"Dude, _I'm_ a high-level genin. I'm practically a chunin already. Just, you know, not officially."

"Like I said**—**_no_ low-level ANBU."

"Then why do they send you on mostly B- and A-ranked missions?"

"Because B is for Badass and A is for Awesome."

"... Okay, you win this time. Anyway, I need to borrow a few of your kunai."

"What for?"

"Grueling survival train—"

"Say no more. I went through the same thing." Her brother smiled as he handed her five extra-sharp kunai.

"Thanks, Bro. You're the best."

Rini turned to leave.

"Hey kiddo, take this old thing, too. I won't need it anymore."

Rini barely caught the pale green weapons bag with the Tanbo symbol sewn into it that her brother tossed at her .

"Put the kunai in that front pocket. It's lined with extra-tough fabric that's used to make ANBU vests; the points of the kunai won't tear it easily."

Rini put her father's bag of tanto inside the weapons bag, then smiled at her brother. "You really are the best, Bro!"

— — —

"Keeeeeeeeeeee-koooooooohhhh," Rini drawled.

"I'm running a business, Squirt. I don't have time for penniless customers like yourself," Tanbo Kiko stated as she wiped her counter off with a dusty rag.

Kiko ran a business called Ninja Basics, and the store contained... well, basic necessities for a ninja. Wrappings, basic weapons—kunai, shuriken, senbon, non-custom-made swords—pouches, soldier pills, scrolls, jutsu books, et cetera. Her sister made almost of the weapons in the store, so she worked as a blacksmith as well. In fact, the place where she made them was set up about 30 feet behind Ninja Basics.

"You're running a small business with no chains and three current customers who have nothing better to do than stare at the merchandise for hours on end. You got time."

One of said customers in a nearby aisle looked up at Rini.

"Yeah, I'm talking 'bout _you_, buddy."

"Stop harassing the patrons like that!"

"All I need is some wrappings and shuriken. Give me those _two little things_, and you'll be rid of me. I'll be gone. Bye-bye. Oh, and a shuriken pouch, too. Bee-tee-dubs, I _do_ have money."

Her sister's weapons were nearly as good as her brother's. Sharp and light, her shuriken were by far the best things she'd ever made. Also, her wrappings were _tough_. They were reinforced with some kind of material that didn't feel much different from regular wrappings, but made it three times as strong. Compared to Kiko's wrappings, an average, decent wrapping was like toilet paper.

Single-ply toilet paper, that is.

"Fine." Her sister walked from behind the counter for a few moments.

Rini smirked with victory.

Kiko returned with a navy blue shuriken pouch filled with her shuriken, which Rini placed in her weapons bag to strap on her leg later, and white reinforced wrappings, which she put away as well.

Rini slapped the required amount of money on the counter, grasping the duffel bag's handle.

"Thanks, Kiko. 'Preciate doing business with you, m'lady." Rini tipped an invisible hat at her older sister.

Her sister rolled her eyes and smiled. "You're welcome, you clown. Now get out of here, you're holding up the line."

Rini looked behind her to see three people, one of whom seemed to be quite displeased with her, as he gave Rini a sharp look.

Must've been the same guy who was offended by her earlier remark.

Rini gave a nervous smile and quickly power-walked out of the store, weaponry bag in hand.

— — —

After stopping by another store for a thick pocket notepad and a pen, Rini suddenly realized how much weaponry she needed.

_By the position of the Sun, I'd say it's about 6:30 to 6:45. I have approximately two and a half hours before Mother expects me back. I will need a new scroll for Mami-chan and Ukki-kun, a scroll for miscellaneous weapons, and another scroll for all that crap under my bed that Mom is bound to find sooner or later... Which reminds me, did Mom ever find Bro's Playninja magazines? I sure hope not, because if she did, then Bro's going to be in some seriously deep sh—_

"Hey, Rini! What's up?" That voice... it can mean only one thing...

Uzumaki Naruto!

Rini waved politely at him as he approached her. "Hello, fellow teammate of mine. How-est art thou today... eth?"

Naruto cocked an eyebrow. "What's with the funny talk?"

"I do not quite understand what it is that you are trying to ask—"

"See, there you go again! Loosen up!"

"What, ho. But I am not acquainted with you, Naruto-san, and therefore I will continue to speak in a formal fashion**—**"

Naruto shook her shoulders. "Snap out of it! Those fancy-mustached people won't take you alive, you hear me?!"

_I was just playing around, dude! What the hell?! _"Okay, dude, whatever rows your boat, just stop shakin' me like a human earthquake!"

Naruto grinned in satisfaction. "Now that's more like it. Anyway, what are you doing around here? I thought you lived all the way across Konoha."

"Nah, actually I only about seven blocks from here. That would be the fancy, expensive side of Konoha that you're thinking of. You know, for the rich 'n's. The Tanbo are but a humble people. I'm here to prepare for the survival examination tomorrow by buying stuff that I obviously cannot afford. Are you ready?"

"Oh hell yeah! I'm pumped and ready to go! I don't even need food—believe it!"

His stomach rumbled like thunder.

"I don't believe you."

"Whatever. What are you looking for?"

"Scrolls and misc."

"What is a misk?"

"Never mind. I shouldn't have left my sister's store..."

"Well, if you're looking for a scrolls store, there's one right down the road there." Naruto pointed behind him.

"Thanks, dude."

"You're welcome."

"Most certainly."

"Who's Sir Tinley?"

"Oh my _God..._"

The pair spent a couple more minutes chatting and making a secret handshake before parting ways.

"See ya, Peanut Head!"

"Later, Narutarded!"

Rini made her way to Scrolls Galore, grinning at the fact that she had actually gotten along with one of her teammates.

When she walked into the store, she was surprised to see yet another one of her teammates.

A certain black-haired, black-eyed, pri—as—faggo—dic—jer—jacka—motherf—douc—guy.

Rini rolled her eyes.

_Whether you like 'em or not, you can't spell team without... well, team. Which means teamwork. Maybe I should've worded that the other way around. Whatever. I have to get along with _all_ of these guys._

"Hey, Sasuk—"

Sasuke quickly ducked behind an aisle, a kunai in his hand.

Rini cocked an eyebrow, an incredulous look upon her slightly tanned face. "The _hell_ is he doin'? Hey, moron, we're not on a mission yet!"

Sasuke slowly came out from behind the aisle, looking in all directions before sighing in relief and putting the kunai in his pocket.

"What was that all about?" Rini asked, walking over to him.

"I thought there was a fan girl," Sasuke said, steadying his breathing. He gave her a dark look. "But apparently, it was worse."

"Screw _you_, asswipe," Rini said as she picked out five scrolls from a rack that was stocked full of them. All of the ones Rini had chosen had one thick, green stripe on either of their ends.

He glared at her. "What did you call me?"

"Oh, nothing... fag boy."

His hand strayed to his pocket. "You don't know who you're dealing with. Stay out of my way."

As she handed the nervous cashier the scrolls and placed her money on the counter, she turned and stared at Sasuke. "Your pride is in your _own_ way."

"No, it's not. The only things that stand in between me and my goal is you and those other two. Don't even try to fight tomorrow. You'll only be a nuisance."

The cashier awkwardly butted into the conversation. "M-ma'am, your change—"

"Put it and the scrolls in my bag on the counter," Rini interrupted evenly.

Sasuke balled up a fist. "Just stay out of my way, Tanbo."

Rini grabbed her bag, severely pee-oed. "_You_ listen to _me_. No one is in your way but that stupid _pride_ and _ego_ of yours, because it's holding you back from realizing that Konoha does _not_ revolve around you, you _silly_, _skinny_, scrawny little _white boy_. So here's a suggestion for you: Try taking your _own advice _for once, and stay out of _my_ way, if you're gonna be useless. Your arguement is irrelevant."

She roughly pushed past him with her shoulder as she exited the store.

Sasuke growled deep in the back of his throat and punched a nearby rack, sending the merchandise flying.

That... freaking girl! God, how he hated her!

Sasuke smoldered with rage as he, too, exited Scrolls Galore.

The cashier gulped. _That will end badly._

— — —

_Last thing... a visit to the tailor's, for some clothes._ Rini sighed and looked at the sun. _Ow, that hurt my eyes. Note to self: Iruka means it when he says that looking directly at the sun will harm you. And I've only an hour and a half to get shorts, special-made shirts, new sandals, and hopefully I can get some new miscellaneous hair stuff, too..._

"I don't want it _too_ tight... I just want it tight enough to emphasize my curves!" a high pitched voice said from inside the tailor's.

This strange sentence was followed by a sarcastically mumbled remark of, "_What_ curves?..." The person was obviously a male, around age twenty to twenty-five.

Rini walked into Masuda's Shoes, Clothes, and More! to see...

Sakura, with her arms spread out wide, and the owner of the store and one of the tailors—Mr. Masuda himself—fitting her half-dress.

"Yo, Mr. Masuda, what's up?"

Mr. Masuda lifted a hand in greeting before returning to work.

Sakura huffed. "Can't you see he's busy, little girl? Come back later."

Rini lifted an eyebrow in warning. "Excuse me? I was most likely born _months _before you _and_ I'm taller than you." Rini placed a hand on her hip, noticing Sakura's lack of physique. "I also have four things that are _a lot_ bigger than yours," she added, referring to her own rather ample lower cheeks and _very slowly_ growing breasts. Rini's might not be ready for a bra quite yet, but at least _hers_ didn't make flat boards look round. "You got that huge forehead on me, I'll give you that."

Sakura growled and started to turn towards Rini, ready to pummel her, but Mr. Masuda made a "tsk" sound and held on to her dress to prevent her from moving. "Stand still, girl! I don't want to have to pay for needle injuries."

"Mr. Masuda, I need some shorts, Tanbo shirts, new sandals, and some hair elastics. You know, to put hair up with," Rini said, moving aside one of the three pieces of chocolate brown hair that hung in her face.

"Coming right up, Ri-chan."

Sakura made an "ugh?!" sound as Mr. Masuda left, calling back to her, "Stay there and keep your arms up! Don't move!"

A few moments later, he came back with three pairs of baggy forest green shorts, meant to be worn a bit above the knee, three pale-ish green short-sleeve shirts with the Tanbo symbol on their backs, and one pair of black sandals. They were all a perfect fit for her.

Rini smiled. "Thanks, Masuda. You're cool."

He flipped a lock of his black hair. "Sigh, I know. I'll get your elastics."

He left and only seconds later returned with a handful of dark green elastics, which she gratefully accepted, putting them all on her wrist.

"Got any hair pins? You know, to hold it in place?" Rini patted the bun on the back of her head.

Masuda winked and reached into the half-apron tied around his waist. When he pulled it out, his hand was full of needles with green spheres on one end.

"Thanks again, Masuda. You're awesome."

"Like I said: Obvious information."

She placed her recieved merchandise in her bag—the needles, she placed in the front pocket—and paid the patiently waiting Masuda. He counted the money as she left with a cry of, "Later, Masuda!"

— — —

Rini huffed and puffed—and blew her own house down!—as she finally reached her house. Running seven blocks, added up with her now heavy weaponry bag, had taken a lot out of her.

"Mom, I'm home."

"It is past nine o'clock, Tanbo Rini! Now where the hell have you been?!"

"By two minutes! I was out shopping for the exam tomorrow and I kinda got lost and I had to ask for directions but I didn't want to so I wandered around for an hour until I realized that I was walking around in circles around our street!"

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I'd thought that you'd figured, with your intelligence and the whole grueling survival training speech, that I'd go out to buy stuff for it."

"... Okay, okay. Just tell me _straight_ next time, alright? I thought you hated beating around the bush."

"I thought you hated reminding people about what they hate."

"Don't start with me."

"_You_ started it."

"Do you _want_ to go to that training exercise tomorrow?" Rini's mother asked rhetorically, indicating that she should shut up.

"Actually, no, but it's kind of manditory."

"Rini, are you purposely pushing my buttons?"

"If there was a mute button, I probably would be."

"Tanbo Rini, I am going to count to three, and when I reach _two_, you had better be _out of this room_!"

"I'm-gonna-take-a-bath-and-go-to-bed-love-you-Mom- bye!" Rini said speedily and dashed out of the living room, weapons bag in hand.


	3. Chapter 3

Rini arrived at Team Seven's training field early, a dazed look upon her face and a piping hot cup of coffee in her hand.

_I could drink a whole Starbuck's right now. One expresso won't do me any good._

The only other two present were Sasugay and Skankura, as Rini now called them.

_Great. Just the two people I _didn't_ want to see._

"What are _you_ doing here?" Sasuke asked darkly, despite the tiredness in his voice.

"I don't know, genius, what are you doing here? I'm here for the same reason as you two. After all the crap I went through yesterday, there was no way I was backing out."

Rini sighed and ran a hand through her bangs, letting the silence settle for a while before she decided to voice her thoughts. "Honestly, I don't have anything against you two. But you guys insulted me first, so I bit back. I think fighting amongst teammates is pretty stupid, you know. How are you going to battle an enemy if you're focused on battling each other?" Rini dropped her weapons bag and placed her coffee next to it, walking over to the other two.

"I think we both know that I don't have the same feelings for Sasuke as you do, Sakura. Besides, look at me. Even if I did, I'd be no competition for you. Friends... please?" Rini held her hand out in front of Sakura, batting her eyelashes in a playfully pleading fashion.

Sakura stared at Rini's hand before sighing and shaking it, smiling.

"Thank you." Rini moved her hand over to Sasuke. "You next, buster."

"... I won't fight you," Sasuke started, "but I don't want to touch you."

Rini's eyebrows furrowed as she slowly lowered her hand. "I'm gonna call you pet names until you do."

"No you won't."

"Sasu-bear."

"Stop it."

"Kay-Kay Bunny."

"I'm serious."

"Saucey Muffin Pants."

"Tanbo, quit it."

"Sasu-chan-kun-koi-muffin-lover-of-tomato-sauce-sw eet-honey-gummy-bear-rainbow-striped-coco-puff."

"Gimme your freakin' hand."

— — —

"Hey, Naruto!" Rini yelled, sounding and feeling quite chipper after drinking only half of her expresso.

"Hunh? Oh, Rini, yo..." Naruto snored, seeming to fall asleep while walking towards the other three.

"Want some coffee? It'll wake you up a lot."

"Unh, I don't really like coffee."

Rini, ignoring this—awful, dreadful, hideous, blasphemous! Like Naruto's jumpsuit—comment, took a can of whipped cream out of her weapons—and more!—bag, squirted a large lump of it on the top of the coffee, and handed it to Naruto.

"Only drink a bit."

Considering the fact that it was a _very big_ cup of coffee, it really wouldn't have made that much of a difference.

Naruto drank until satisfied, and when he pulled the cup away from his lips, he had a slight whipped cream mustache.

"Ha ha ha! You look funny with an old man mustache."

Rini handed the cup to Sakura next.

Sakura's nose wrinkled. "I have to drink after Naruto?"

Rini sighed and wiped the whole brim of the cup with the bottom of her shirt. "There. Now drink up."

Sakura gulped a swallow of the steaming coffee down.

Rini wiped the brim again and turned to Sasuke.

"Does it have sugar in it?"

"You can't get awake without sugar."

"I'll pass."

A plan immediately bubbled up in Rini's demented little mind. "Okay. I completely, absolutely, totally understand."

When Sasuke's eyes closed so he could rest a bit, Rini pretended to turn away. Then, suddenly, she whirled and pinched Sasuke's nostrils shut, opened his mouth, sprayed a large glob of whipped cream in his mouth, snatched the coffee cup away from a shocked Sakura and poured some of that in his mouth as well, then held his mouth shut.

Not being able to breathe, a glaring Sasuke tried to say something, but all that could be heard was, "Hmm mmhm mm mmm!"

"Swallow it or you'll die!" Rini yelled, holding back laughter.

Regretfully, Sasuke swallowed the huge gob of whipped cream and the pool of hot coffee.

"Now, isn't that better? _Do you feel more awake?_" Rini asked, asking the last sentence with wide eyes.

Sasuke glared at her. "_I. _Hate. _You_."

"Whew, somebody has some _serious_ morning breath."

Sasuke steamed with shocked thoughts. _How did she catch me off guard?! This must be Kakashi's plan; since it's so early in the morning, he expect me to be very tired, and therefore I won't be half the challenge I would usually be. That coffee, however vulgar-tasting it was, will probably help this problem._

Naruto—after he stopped laughing so hard that he couldn't breathe, let alone speak—grinned at Rini. "That was amazing!"

"I know I am."

They quickly performed their secret handshake.

Sasuke cocked a dark brow. "What was that?"

Sakura looked equally—perhaps even more—confused. "Yeah."

Rini turned towards the pair, speaking in a funny, over-dramatic voice that included emphasizing certains consonants. "That, lady and gentleman, was an ancient code created long before human language, even before the creation of the moon, during a time when natural disasters ruled our land."

She continued her intricate speech, using dramatic hand gestures as well as making strange faces to exagerrate the way she said each word. "The primitive, animal-like humans had no choice but to communicate using these complicated hand movements, since they were long before written and spoken language. As such, these complicated hand movements are quite beyond understanding by people at your level of illiteracy—"

"It's our secret handshake!" Naruto finally interrupted, grinning.

"You weren't supposed to _tell them_, you idiot!" Rini slapped her forehead with her hand. "It's not secret if you freakin' _tell_ them! Ugh, God, my creativity is going to be _ruined_!"

— — —

_Three agonizingly long hours later..._

"Good morning, class."

"You're late!" Naruto and Sakura yelled at the same time.

Sticking her pinky into her ear and twisting it around, Rini said, "Thanks for that, you guys. It's always been a big dream of mine to go deaf. "Late" is an understatement, dears. Any longer, and my hair would be as gray as his."

Ignoring the three of them, Kakashi began explaining their survival exercise. "I've set this clock for noon."

They all stared at the four stumps behind him.

"I have here three small bells."

Rini observed them closely. _Silver in color, dull luster, black connector thingy, red string. Got it._

"Your challenge is to steal one of these bells from me. Anyone who fails will not get their lunch."

_So that's why he told us to skip breakfast... What a douche._

"All you need is one bell apiece. Since there aren't enough bells for all four of you, one of you is definitely going to a stump. Whoever that is will fail. Attack as though you mean to kill me or you won't stand a chance."

"But..." Sakura started, "but that's so dangerous!"

Naruto was laughing. "You couldn't even dodge an eraser! You're gonna get killed!"

_What did I say about his enemies—and apparently, his student—underestimating him?_ Rini thought. _No one takes my advice._

Kakashi's one visible eye showed boredom. "The loudest are usually the weakest. Let's forget the dunce and start on my signal."

Naruto looked pretty mad.

He grabbed a kunai and ran for Kakashi, growling.

In an instant, Kakashi had the situation reversed.

_Wow... he's fast!_ Even Rini, who was always around her painfully fast mother and her speedy small mammals, was surprised. _He's the real deal._

"Be patient; I didn't say go yet. But you did come at me with the intent to kill."

Rini smirked. _Narutard is actually starting to get cool._

"I think I might be starting to like you four. And now, ready—steady—go!"


End file.
